T - Tauren Wells "Joy in the Morning"

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

I've listened to the Christian Music Radio Station Z88.3 FM for many years now. I like the uplifting music they play, and I know people who don't even identify as Christian who use this station as a primary source for listening when they're in their car. That's how awesome the music is.

Anyway, at a Grief Share meeting, the hosts like to play a song to start each session. They've played songs I knew, and songs that were newer, such as the one below. I had heard it maybe once or twice before, but I hadn't paid attention to the lyrics. I did this time, also thanks to captions. And damn! Tauren Wells is an amazing singer. So incredibly talented, and his song "Joy in the Morning," is full of hope and joy and power. It's impossible not to sing it.

After I heard it at the meeting, I shared it on Facebook. Then, days later, when I had to drive past the hospital where my mom passed away, I was holding back tears. A minute or two after I drove past the hospital, this song came on, and I truly felt like it was a sign, a gift. I thanked my mom for sending it to me right in the exact moment I needed it.

S - Sammy the Teddy Bear

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

Sammy the Teddy Bear is the physical manifestation of Sammy the Teddy Bear in my mom's children's books A Gregory Green Adventure Series. I bought him for my mom in 2017 to have fun with my mom and to promote her children's books.

My mom and I had a ton of fun with Sammy. He’s badass. See for yourself:

Sammy went to book events.

He has his own Wookie backpack.

R - Removing and Redecorating

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

One thing you'll hear is to take your time. Don't rush. Don't change things too soon.

And there is wisdom in that. Taking your time ensures that you're ready for the next steps and don't do something or get rid of something that you'll later regret.

However, not everyone grieves the same way. And for some, waiting might be the painful part.

REMOVING:

The day my mom passed away, I started to get rid of all her medical supplies. Yes, I was sobbing while removing the blood pressure cuff, forehead thermometer, pulse oximeter, bathroom scale, and bedside commode from her bedroom, but there was a sense of urgency inside me. I HAD to get rid of the damn medical supplies that filled up her room the least year of her life. Over the next few days, I removed the labels from her medications and brought them to a prescription drop-off at CVS and took out the equipment from her bathroom. Doing those things wasn't easy, but it was necessary.

REDECORATING

Q - Quiet (Reading) Time

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

Dancing at the Pity Party: A Dead Mom’s Graphic Memoir by Tyler Feder

A month and a half after my mom passed away, I read a book called Dancing at the Pity Party: A Dead Mom’s Graphic Memoir by Tyler Feder. Some people would say I shouldn’t have read it so soon, but it helped me in a few ways.

1) In the beginning, while the author remembered her mom before the diagnosis, I remembered some things about my mom and wrote them down in a new journal that I’ll be using specifically for that purpose, to preserve memories.

Side Note: If you're keeping track, I was writing in a family keepsake journal, memory journal about my mom, grief journal, and even had a prayer prompt journal. That's four different journals.

2) I became fortunate that, while my mom had declined, she still looked like herself (aside from a few extra accessories like a nasal cannula, port under her skin, a pleurx catheter, and bruises on her arms) and that she’d still had her mind. She was still clever and funny and creative. I’m also grateful that the cancer hadn’t had a chance to progress, which would’ve changed all of that.

3) It made me feel less alone. There was so much I could relate to.

P - Playlist + Photo Collages

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

I had introduced my mom to the YouTube and Spotify apps on her TV in 2020. She spent a lot of time saving songs and playlists she had found and enjoyed to her Spotify account, as well as videos to her YouTube account.

On her YouTube, she’d discovered cute digital Christmas towns and adorable snowy settings with animals created by Tim Janis, that are paired with popular Christmas carols. She loved to play these in the evening when she read. I would always go into her room for a while before bed and had a lot of fun watching those cute videos, too. Sadly, the ones she had saved (that were the best) were marked as private by the creator.

Here’s one, though, to give you an idea:

O - Our Story (Keepsake Journal)

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

MY MOM'S MEMORY JOURNAL: 

April 8th, one month and three days after my mom passed away, I found a journal my mom was using to write down her life's memories. I had been looking for a keepsake journal that I knew she had, but I never found it. She must've gotten rid of it because she didn't care for the prompts but rather wanted to write whatever came to her mind instead.

The journal is almost half full of memories.

On the inside of the journal, she'd written:

"I am writing this journal to record any memory of my life when I remember some event.

"I hope this journal will be good reading someday."

N - Nature

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

The week after my mom passed away, I went to Erna Nixon Park, a nature park with a nice, boarded pathway. I walked it with my dad and stepmom as a distraction, to get out of the house, and to be in nature.

Before I left, I sat down on a bench in a little tree nook and spoke out loud to my mom. I don't remember what I said. Maybe I apologized for my what I regretted and felt guilty about, as I had times before then and times after that. I might've just told her I loved her and missed her. Or I did a combination of all of that. Either way, what I said wasn't really important. What was important was that I spoke to her because I needed that.

I also took a bunch of pictures and posted a few photo dumps on Instagram. 

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